Boosting Confidence

[Tami Szabo]

Confidence is something all of us women could stand to have infused in our blood 24/7! It’s one of those areas that many struggle with the most.

Through my coaching practice, I’ve discovered an underlying thread that seems to undermine confidence in some women. It has to do with confusing true confidence with pride or arrogance.

Confidence is being sure of who you are and what you are able to do in a way that does not compare yourself to others. It is not dependent on value because every one of us women is valuable.

Pride or arrogance is when someone lifts him or herself above others as if they are more valuable than others. It also seems to be related to "approval addiction" where the self esteem must continually be fed by others or they don't feel good about themselves. Thus, some arrogant people put others down so they can see themselves as above.

Confidence is simply being all of the great woman you already are. You want to create a great business and you want to do your job well. It is not prideful to be confident in what you are doing.

I invite you to give yourself permission to really let your abilities come forward and see what happens to you and your business as a result.

I’d also love to hear what methods you have for boosting your own confidence.

[Kevin Lee]

I’d also love to hear what methods you have for boosting your own confidence.

Hi Tami,

From a male perspective, I'd suggest the following tips to boost one's confidence:

1. Make "fear" your catalyst to take action. For example, if you're afraid of public speaking, then practice and hold a seminar.

2. Remind yourself of your past accomplishments.

3. Remember that other people in the room have 2 arms and 2 legs just like yourself (i.e. you're all equals).

4. Focus on having fun at whatever you're doing. If you focus on trying to be "perfect", you'll fail and lose confidence.

5. Take care of the way you look, whether that's how you dress, what you eat or how often you work out. If you look good, you'll probably feel good too.

[TheRainmaker]

I believe that confidence is tied tightly to two things:
1) the concept of self worth, and
2) competence

If you believe that what you are doing is the right thing and you believe that you deserve all the good that life has to offer, you will be able to face the world and any challenges along the way recognizing them as minor bumps on the path.

And competence. In my experience working with hundreds of women business owners over the last 15 years, mastery and confidence comes through a dedication to learning and developing competence at a skill. The better you are at the skill (or a variety of skills etc.) the more your own internal confidence will grow.

Tami, I think you have done a great thing in working with an outside mentor. It shows you are dedicated to continual learning which you will find will boost your confidence in a big way. My friends and associates will tell you I dont have confidence issues, but I am learning new things every day (especially about the online sales world) and I can tell you I didnt start out very confident. but the more I learned and practiced, the more confident I become.

Animals are a great reader of confidence. I have a friend who was struggling to trim her big dogs toe nails. They were out of control and causing this older dog a lot of pain. My friend didnt want to take the dog to the vet to have it done. I looked at the dog and told my friend I would do it. She couldnt believe it and said that the last person who had tried had been bitten. Now, I have two large dogs (weighing almost 200 pounds together) so I am an old pro at this. (But I did get a muzzle to be safe)

I have to say, my friend couldnt believe that I did it #1, and that the dog didnt even flinch. Animals can sense even the smallest element of fear and will react.

Anyway, that was a long ramble - I hope it helps. When we launch our leadership program for women later this month, I will have a whole resource centre for women to go to for this topic and many more!

Have a great week
J

[OmnivoreInk]

I believe that confidence is tied tightly to two things:
1) the concept of self worth, and
2) competence

The concept of self-worth has a key component - which is not buying in to the verbal abuse that you are subjected to at schools by your peers (or "teasing" as its euphemistically called, IMHO), and not buying into the verbal abuse given you by your boyfriend or family when you're trying to do something.

(This is a reason why I can't watch sitcoms, either today or even the older ones, all the verbal abuse that characters subject each other to in the name of comedy, which merely train its audience that putting down other people is funny when it really isn't.)

[TheRainmaker]

Thanks Barbara! That is great advice.

It goes to removing Toxic people and situations from your life.

I like to remind people that they were born - thus granting them worthy to exist. No one can take away or add to your self worth.

Simple but true. If you woke up this morning - you deserve to exist.

J

[Kevin Lee]

The concept of self-worth has a key component - which is not buying in to the verbal abuse that you are subjected to at schools by your peers (or "teasing" as its euphemistically called, IMHO), and not buying into the verbal abuse given you by your boyfriend or family when you're trying to do something.

(This is a reason why I can't watch sitcoms, either today or even the older ones, all the verbal abuse that characters subject each other to in the name of comedy, which merely train its audience that putting down other people is funny when it really isn't.)

Well how can one overcome years of verbal abuse or having their self-worth torn down by others?

Let's say it's those closest to you that are telling you that you can't succeed in your small business...it's not like you can just remove these "toxic" people from your life. What would you do then?

[RussellWebb]

Well how can one overcome years of verbal abuse or having their self-worth torn down by others?

Let's say it's those closest to you that are telling you that you can't succeed in your small business...it's not like you can just remove these "toxic" people from your life. What would you do then?

Remove them...

ok well, maybe it's not that easy, but you can sit down and have a little uplifting chat. I went through this when I got started and I had to 'take it in' at first, I think it's wise to listen to some other perspectives and just sit with it - instead of react. As you reflect on your choices, do as much research as you can and educate yourself. Follow your instincts, either jump into it OR maybe sit on the sidelines and wait a bit.

If you decide to go ahead with it, as I did, then you need to fortify yourself and prepare to stand your ground. Sometimes you need to bring your deflection shield - other times you may just need your samurai sword, that's for when they're being naughty and trying to bring you down, maybe not intentionally...most of the time they think they're helping.

The samurai sword just cuts through the BS faster...like butter...

[bmueller47]

(This is a reason why I can't watch sitcoms, either today or even the older ones, all the verbal abuse that characters subject each other to in the name of comedy, which merely train its audience that putting down other people is funny when it really isn't.)

Hi there,

thanks Barbara for that.

I don't think you need to put it in brackets. This is a kind of poison people take in every day. Therefore they can't handle difficult situations in their lives. Here in the UK they are called 'Soaps'.

Besides it is an absolute of waste of time. On that subject I got a question: Is there a sitcom/soap, which is worth watching? Who knows of one or more, where your spirit is lifted; where your self-worth is enhanced?

Kindest Regards

Beat

"Unlock People's Potentials!"

Every day you learn something new to become a Master.

www.wealthtreasures.com

[mphcoach]

Besides it is an absolute of waste of time. On that subject I got a question: Is there a sitcom/soap, which is worth watching? Who knows of one or more, where your spirit is lifted; where your self-worth is enhanced?

Kindest Regards

Beat

"Unlock People's Potentials!"

Every day you learn something new to become a Master.

www.wealthtreasures.com

There is a soap called 'Neighbours', avidly watched in the UK. At one time one of the main characters decided to 'become' a life coach.

It was the very worst advert for a life coach experience you could ever expect to see.

So, no, I find 'soaps' scarily dreadful.

Regards

Martin
Coaching Businesses To Success

[Kevin Lee]

There is a soap called 'Neighbours', avidly watched in the UK. At one time one of the main characters decided to 'become' a life coach.

It was the very worst advert for a life coach experience you could ever expect to see.

So, no, I find 'soaps' scarily dreadful.

Regards

Martin
Coaching Businesses To Success

While I've never seen the Australian soap Neighbours, I can say that it did produce some popular singers like Kylie Minogue, Natalie Imbruglia, Holly Valance, and Delta Goodrem (she's the best!).

So perhaps being on a soap opera is a way to develop confidence

[Kevin Lee]

Remove them...

ok well, maybe it's not that easy, but you can sit down and have a little uplifting chat. I went through this when I got started and I had to 'take it in' at first, I think it's wise to listen to some other perspectives and just sit with it - instead of react. As you reflect on your choices, do as much research as you can and educate yourself. Follow your instincts, either jump into it OR maybe sit on the sidelines and wait a bit.

If you decide to go ahead with it, as I did, then you need to fortify yourself and prepare to stand your ground. Sometimes you need to bring your deflection shield - other times you may just need your samurai sword, that's for when they're being naughty and trying to bring you down, maybe not intentionally...most of the time they think they're helping.

The samurai sword just cuts through the BS faster...like butter...

Hi Russell,

I guess the other challenge would be to know when to take in the criticism and when to block out the blatant negativity as there's a distinct difference between the two. It's easy to get upset and retaliate using your imaginative samurai sword or shield against people who doubt your business idea/chances of success, but much harder to be humble and truly hear what others are saying.

[litekepr]

Besides it is an absolute of waste of time. On that subject I got a question: Is there a sitcom/soap, which is worth watching? Who knows of one or more, where your spirit is lifted; where your self-worth is enhanced?

Kindest Regards

Beat

"Unlock People's Potentials!"

Every day you learn something new to become a Master.

www.wealthtreasures.com

There is a soap called 'Neighbours', avidly watched in the UK. At one time one of the main characters decided to 'become' a life coach.

It was the very worst advert for a life coach experience you could ever expect to see.

So, no, I find 'soaps' scarily dreadful.

Regards

Martin
Coaching Businesses To Success

I had to comment about this --- there is a US soap opera where a main character in the show kept a journal over a 1 month period - apparently didn't edit it (why would you its a journal). Another character found the journal printed out and sent it to a major publisher.

So, she wrote the book in 1 month or less - never edited a word - sent it to one publisher and it was released within 2 months and is a bestseller overnight. There are so many problems with that story line that I wouldn't know where to start

Shri

[bmueller47]

Hi there,

Tami wrote right in the first post:
Pride or arrogance is when someone lifts him or herself above others as if they are more valuable than others. It also seems to be related to "approval addiction" where the self esteem must continually be fed by others or they don't feel good about themselves. Thus, some arrogant people put others down so they can see themselves as above.

Joyce Meyer wrote a whole book with that title.(Approval Addiction) It became a bestseller. She also wrote: 'The Battlefield of the Mind', and the latest: 'The Confident Woman'. She has gone through these experiences herself, hence it is powerful reading. Many people have discovered their self-worth. Consequently have become ambassadors to help others.

One statement she makes: Insecure people help others to become more insecure. Of course, the opposite is true just the same.

Regards

Beat

$Unlock People's Potentials$

Discover who you are and help others to become better.

www.wealthtreasures.com

[TheRainmaker]

Sometimes its those closest too us that want to hold us back. Not intentionally but more like a case of Crabs in the Bucket.

What I do, when I cant oust myself from it, is to just not talk about what I am working on around those people. Why hold up your 'baby' to people who are going to tell you all the things wrong with it?

I then, and this is the really important part, make sure I have other people, supporters etc. that will boost me up. These people come in all shapes and sizes, from my neighbour who is a retired brand manager at GM to my little sister who happens to run a daycare while studying to be an RCMP officer! ;0)

I think Jesus said it something like this, dont cast your pearls before swine.

:0)

[ChrisH]

Sometimes its those closest too us that want to hold us back. Not intentionally but more like a case of Crabs in the Bucket.

What I do, when I cant oust myself from it, is to just not talk about what I am working on around those people. Why hold up your 'baby' to people who are going to tell you all the things wrong with it?

I then, and this is the really important part, make sure I have other people, supporters etc. that will boost me up. These people come in all shapes and sizes, from my neighbour who is a retired brand manager at GM to my little sister who happens to run a daycare while studying to be an RCMP officer! ;0)

I think Jesus said it something like this, dont cast your pearls before swine.

:0)

Unfortunately there are always people who belittle or discourage us and I've found its beneficial to limit my time around them. I also agree about not letting them get in a position where they are able to stomp on me and my work. I also agree that it is invaluable to have a support system of people who are encouraging - that doesn't mean they are "yes" people - but when they point out problems, I know they are legitimate concerns.

Chris